So I’ve tried to start this post quite a few times now, and you know, it’s getting to be really difficult to put into words exactly how 2013 was for me. For one thing, I’m going to start off and say this:
It was amazing.
It was life changing.
It was the best year I’ve had so far.
Now let’s set one thing straight: read that again: It was the best year I’ve had so far. Now that is a big… ahem, pardon my language but a big fucking deal.
I haven’t had a “good” year since 2007. And that one? That one was the first good year I’d ever had.
Okay, you get it. 2013 was a big deal for me. At the beginning of it, I was facing down a diagnosis of a a rare psychological disorder that was making me physically ill. I had been sick and bedridden for years. I was depressed, I was demotivated, I was a lot of things and very few of them could be considered happy. And how could I be? I was tired and nauseous and in pain almost 24/7. Who wants to live like that? Nobody.
Well I had to live that life, until I decided to take charge of my health and figure out what was wrong. Turns out, my disorder is so rare that most people never even get diagnosed. But I refused to give up on my research. When I did find something that seemed right (and here’s the important part!) I took that research to a professional who could give me a professional opinion on the matter.
The professional opinion? I had somatization disorder.
Had. That’s right. I had it. Do you know why I had it?
Because I kicked it’s ass!!
2013 was my year to get better. Armed with the proper knowledge, care, and a whole lot of gumption (as well as the unwavering support of my dear, amazing, fantastic husband), I handed that somatization right back to the world on a silver platter. I immediately came out about it, knowing that the taboo on mental health only makes it worse. I told my friends, I told my family (and yes, that even meant having the awkward conversation where I explained how and why I developed this condition as a child in an unsafe household). With or without their support (many did support me) and understanding (many tried to understand), I moved forward, and I kept moving. By the end of the year (so this past month) I was going strong in school with very little stress over my grades (okay, no stress, I actually got a 4.0! Sweet!), all while working three, yes count them, THREE fantastic, interesting, challenging jobs AND maintaining an art practice “on the side”
Who on earth has time for anything “on the side” when you’re doing all that? Ask someone who doesn’t take “I don’t have time” for an answer. Sure, sure, I’ll take “I don’t want to” or “It’s not my priority” sure, or even “I don’t have the energy”. But I try not to ever say “I don’t have time”, because I do, I’m just spending it doing other things.
And in 2013, I did something I hadn’t ever done before; I prioritized my time around me.
I was finally doing something I loved, every day of the week (and getting paid for it, which is always a bonus) and it was exhilarating. Sure, it was exhausting at times too, but then again, so is laying on the couch. Trust me, lay there long enough and you’ll be so exhausted you’ll fall asleep! See what I mean?
I loved every minute of it, and I am so proud of myself for rising to the occasion and really, finally, being able to live my life to the fullest.
Well, the fullest I’ve lived it so far that is…
Which brings me to 2014.
If 2013 was my year to recover and rejuvenate, then 2014 is the year I bring myself out to contribute something to the world. Yes, I’m still going to focus on myself, and yes, I still have a long way to go in terms of where I “want” to be (nobody’s perfect!) But if you’ve been following me lately and think that I’ve been doing a lot so far – just wait: the fun has only begun.
In 2014 my plans (so far) are to:
- Work with my amazingtastical husband on the ajmck.com website (check it out!! It’s changing little by little all the time!)
- Graduate from college! (huge life change, and expect a super depressing blog post about how I don’t know what I’m doing with my degree followed by a surprisingly uplifting sentiment towards the end about how it’ll all be okay no matter what!)
- Move across the country!!
- Create more art than I’ve ever created before (and maybe sell some of it, who knows?)
So if you’re ready for one hell of a ride, hop on, because I am never looking back to those days of sickness and immobility again. We’re going to get moving! Moving up, moving on, and moving that certain something buried within all of our hearts. I’m ready to light that spark. Are you with me?
We have been watching Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s “Cosmos” lately and it is super inspiring! Total dream of mine = working on visual effects for TV or Movies! And Cosmos has a BEAUtiful line up of graphics, animation, diagrams, illustrations, ahhh I’m drooling!
The Journey 